"There were times as I wrote that I simply had to stop and take a break as it all felt too heavy. There were other days when the words and stories seemed to flow, yet so many more where all I could do was cry onto my keyboard". - An excerpt from My Child Is An Addict - Navigating Through Your Child's Addiction.
A friend said to me just recently, "so you're a writer now". To which my quick answer was, "I am actually a story teller and, most of the time, writing is just a way to get the story out of my head". Not only do I find it challenging, to convert the stories in my mind to words on a page, the moment that I have managed to complete a writing project, I immediately transition to spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking there is no way anyone would want to read this. Added to that (and just to ensure the emotionally tortuous cycle can continue) I put it out there anyway and then proceed to start writing something else. Go figure.
Writing, for me at least, can be a very lonely adventure. That said, I do like my private/quiet time as it allows me to clear my head, refocus and it is also a good creative space for me. I have also noticed that I can't seem to get in flow until I am alone, so, needing many months to complete my most recent project, I spent A LOT of time alone and, I don't like being alone that much.
For those of you who have read my recent book, My Child Is An Addict - Navigating Through Your Child's Addiction, you may have noticed that it kind of sections itself between an introductory component, to, what i call the "advice-y part", through to the story telling part. The latter section was emotionally challenging to write as there are some reliving of the moments required if one is to effectively tell the story. Yet the actual writing of "the story" felt like it flowed naturally. Upon reflection, I now know that it was because I was focused less on writing per se and more on relaying the story and somehow that felt much more natural.
That leads me to the speaker/communicator part and why that is such an important part of the journey for me. I have always just preferred to "stand there and tell the story", as that's the part that fills me up again. I find writing, though therapeutic, can, not only be lonely, but can also be quite draining. Reliving memories so to be able to share the lessons learned, is no easy task. There was a time I would NEVER admit this, but I am a sensitive guy and I tend to feel deeper than I even want to at times. Retrieving memories of difficult experiences, emotionally speaking, beats me up pretty badly at times. Simply put, it's hard.
When I get in front of people, and though we do sometimes (not always) talk about some heavy feelings, it feels different to me. If I sense even the slightest feeling that I may have helped someone through my words, it all feels worth it. When I see that someone feels a little lifted up, a little more hopeful, our just a bit encouraged from something I have shared, I am quite confident that I get more out of it than they do. I am also reminded of how writing the story lead me to telling of the story.
It took me a long time, but I can honestly now say that I can talk about the most difficult of experiences and the life lessons gained from it. I have witnessed first hand how it has helped others and, in turn, adds great meaning and healing to my own life. Opening up about my own, most heartbreaking challenges, has allowed others to begin the process of opening up about their own. That alone can often be the catalyst for them to create the necessary space for themselves that they need to begin their own healing journey.
This is why I continue to offer myself up to people and events so I can tell my story and I would love to speak at, or even attend, your event. Please don't hesitate to contact me here if you would like to discuss those possibilities.
The lesson learned? Hard things are worth doing.
