“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” - Winnie the Pooh
Life can be funny sometimes. It will remind you of something that needs to be done with an internal "thump up the side of the head" then, if not adhered to the first few times, that gentle reminder turns into a repeated, and more of a full on, body blow. Until we realize that we had better start listening, ignoring the intuition (as we often try and do) always fails us. It is not a matter of if, it is simply a matter of when. This is my most recent "thump".
Through some grief counselling and a whole lot of study, I have come across the idea of learning to say goodbye to your departed loved one through a "Goodbye Letter". This concept, though not new to me, it was only as of late I felt that still small voice telling me that it just may be time. As always, as fast as the intuitive nudging came calling, so did the doubt. Could I actually sit there and write a goodbye letter to my son who died tragically and all too soon? Would it actually do any good?
Writing my book "My Child Is An Addict - Navigating Through Your Child's Addiction" I wrote a lot about the experience of going through having a loved one suffering with mental health and addiction challenges. However, it was not until just recently I reflected on the above concept and the possible value it held. Of all the grief work and writing I have done, I have never written a letter to Zack to say goodbye as the thought of doing so, riddled me with enough anxiety that it seemed to be the one thing I would want to avoid. I envisioned it as repeatedly ripping off band aids on both old and recent wounds, and who wants to do that? I questioned if dredging up and reliving old wounds would be of any benefit and if writing this letter would be an effective step towards healing or just a miserable process with no upside.
After much soul searching, I gave it a try and began the process of writing my goodbye letter. With great discomfort, heartbreak and admittedly, a lot of tears, out came a purge of sadness and grief that I didn't know I was still harboring. I also discovered that, what they often say in grief counselling, really is true, the only way out is through.
I added my goodbye letter as a chapter in my book. If you are one of the unfortunate who have lost a loved one all too soon and you choose to read my book, I hope my letter, encourages you to do the same.
It won't be easy, but I promise it will be valuable.
