This is an excerpt from my book "My Child Is An Addict - Navigating Through Your Child's Addiction"
I want to start by acknowledging both the families who are supporting their loved ones currently in the cycle of active addiction and also those who have fought with all the physical, spiritual, emotional and mental strength they could muster, only to be devastated when the battle was lost and their precious loved ones life has ended. Whether it is during the fight or after addiction has stolen all that once was, I know all too well that your worlds continue to be turned upside down and many hearts will forever lay shattered. So for all of you currently in the trenches and to those who continue to be submerged in the waves of grief, I want you to know that you are not forgotten. Your battle and your loss is shared and felt deeply by many and you are not alone.
I will ask if, collectively, we can be patient and kind when encountering those people who fall within the above description. Outwardly they are carrying on as normal as they can, getting groceries, making meals, mowing the lawn, trying to get to work on time and making efforts to maintain a healthy relationship or two, while simultaneously, inwardly they are battling the emotions of anxiety, fear and even depression. Addiction has infiltrated their world and now, included with their regular daily activities, there is the added burden of having to learn to:
- survive and somehow manage the outcomes of active addiction,
- navigate the challenges of a mental health and addictions system that is still trying to figure itself out,
- how to act, not react or simply survive all the unknowns that go with this hostile territory and
- function normally while carrying around the ultimate underlying fear, that their loved one may not live to see tomorrow.
Interestingly, though beneath the surface they are struggling, it is not uncommon for them to hide their battle in the shadows. I suspect that when you encounter these people you may find them to be outwardly pleasant, maybe even upbeat. The amount of masks we wear and the lengths we will go to look and feel anything that resembles normal are extensive. Please keep in mind that, though presenting as “ok”, they may very well be in the fight of their lives. Along with that, there can be an overwhelming desperation as they feel that, no matter what attempts they make to improve the situation, they are losing the battle.
My own experiences are similar. I can no longer recount how many times I asked myself the question, so “what do I do now” and I suspect that many of the good people described here have as well so, please be non judgmental, kind and patient as, especially in those early days, as they may only be hanging on by a thread.
